Jack, Arnie and Tiger are typical entries for a dream foursome. I never got the chance to meet The King, and it’s unlikely I’ll ever tee it up with Jack or Tiger. I’m okay with that. I imagine Arnie would be the best partner of that trio — he seemed cool. He was a blue collar guy. A man born with his sleeves rolled up. I’ve talked to people that played with Palmer and they say he was undeniably, “The King”. I’ve stayed and played at Bay Hill in Orlando where Arnie spent his winters. From the front desk, to the bar and starter shack — everyone there misses that man a ton. My friend was a member at Bay Hill for years and tells stories about The King pulling up in his cart on the par three 17th and asking, “Hey, it okay if I play the last two with you all?” Don’t get me wrong, I’d accept an invite from Jack or Tiger to play, but I think Arnie would’ve been tops.
What about a nightmare foursome? What are the three people you wouldn’t want to see on the first tee?
Here we go.
Kris Jenner
Kris Jenner’s first husband Robert Kardashian died at of 59. Her second husband Bruce Jenner became a woman at age 66. Aside from some intense bad energy, she’s annoying as hell. With any luck she’d be asked to leave the golf course for excessive cell phone use. She’d definitely be yapping nonstop. There would be lots of Instagramming, Facebooking and Tinder swiping. I could see her holding up the group on the 10th tee while she scripted a lengthy Yelp review about the halfway house.
Roger Goodell
The NFL is in disarray. No one knows what a catch is anymore, personal foul calls are a mystery and pass interference is random as plinko. The man at the top is Roger “Fidel” Goodell. He’s smug, pompous and a bad decision maker. Ray Rice knocked his girlfriend out with a left hook, Goodell watched the tape and suspended him two games. Two games! Players get similar punishment for excessive celebrations or uniform violations — they get far worse for weed. Rice hasn’t played in the League since, but that’s because TMZ published the punch video — it had nothing to do with Goodell’s good judgement. And for all his nonsense, he gets $30 million a year. The NFL is so healthy that even a sloppy decision maker can be successful in that role. Imagine 18 holes of his monotone mumbling — brutal. Not to mention, he probably plays the ball up and uses the ol’ foot wedge when convenient.
Note: I’m not a Patriots fan
Tim Tebow
Enough already with Tim Tebow! And get this, he was invited to 2020 Mets training camp! That invite comes after hitting .163 with four dingers in 77 games last season. What a waste of time and resources. Admittedly, I went to Florida State and we don’t like them folks in Gainesville, but the Tebow mania is out of control. This guy gets the longest leash in the world. I’ll admit, he was a hell of a college player and I was glad to see him leave Florida, but he’s not going away! In fact, Tebow distribution is at an all-time high. Does anyone like him as an announcer? Tebow with a microphone is like Jason Witten, but worse. And he appears to be morally correct guy which is great, but I see him as the type that might not always count all of them. His boss is a Jewish carpenter, he answers to a higher power — I can see him shaving a few here and there.
Note: My dislike for Tebow is based primarily on his affiliation with UF. In fact, I don’t really want to see any of them Alachua County residents on the first tee.
Some might wonder why I didn’t choose Jim Jones, Hitler or Stalin. I’d actually like to see them on the first tee because then I could whack them over the head with my wedge.
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